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| beloved xanga,
even though you hold my deepest secrets and almost-forgotten-memories, i feel as if it is time to move on to something new in my life. it's not that i don't like you anymore -trust me, i will never forget how you helped me maintain my sanity during my tough times- i just feel like because i am at a new intersection in my life, i also need a fresh start, a fresh page. and so i bid you adieu.
<3reiko
p.s. come find me on tumblr if ever you miss me (:
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| people tell me not to look for people, but to let people look for me.
what if i feel like no one's looking for me?... | | |
| i haven't been in a relationship for almost two years now &i must admit, i'm getting kind of worried. scared even. i don't know how to let a new guy into my life in that manner again, and by "that manner" i mean relationship-wise. heck, i don't know where to begin. i don't how to act. i don't know what to say. i don't know how to feel. its as if my one year experience with my ex never happened at all. whenever a new guy wants to cross the friendship line, an alarm goes off in my head and some sort of impenetrable forcefield locks my emotions deep down inside of me, never letting it develop into anything more than a thought lingering in the abyss of my mind.
i pray that by moving to a new city, romance will find its way back into my story & that i can finally feel the way i did for my ex for another, more wonderful guy.
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| i used to think i was your typical girly-girl : sucker for chick flicks, hopeless romantic, jumps on every opportunity to dress up, plays the damsel in distress, etc. i am helpless; sometimes i act like it, other times because i actually am helpless due to my short & petite stature. (but i'm not complaining. i love being taken into some big, tall guy's arms.) i spend hours getting ready for a night out, fixing my hair, putting on makeup, making sure my outfit goes well together even though i know it will be tainted in an hour or so into the night. i know absolutely nothing about cars. romantic comedies are my weakness; i cry, i laugh, i scream, i get tingles.i like going on coffee shop dates. i like dressing up. i like boys. how much more girly can i be?
however i always knew i was different from my other girl friends because: A) most of my friends, especially my close ones, are mostly, if not all, guys, B) i am simply not a fan of shows such as gossip girl & the oc (i was with two of my girlfriends as they had an OC marathon & i felt like i wanted to shoot myself listening to them having a discussion about the show), C) i don't have a group of "girlfriends" sex-&-the-city style, rather i have my homeboys to go to, D) i enjoy shooting at people with toy guns & stealing street signs, E) i want to vomit whenever something cheesy comes from my mouth F) i am adventurous, G) i pretty much roll with the boys.
as much as i like wreaking havoc in the city &doing dumb stuff for dumber or even no reason at all, there are just some things my male friends can't offer me like female friends can.&to be honest, there's a little something inside of me that wishes for a circle of female friends to go kick it with every now & then. i want to go on lunch dates & talk about the most recent man in my life. i want to exchange stories along with "ouuus" &"ou la las". i want to stand side by side with my homegirls in front of the mirror as we get ready for a night out. i want to crash at someone's house &just watch chick flicks &bake brownies &cook dinner. i want a female to go to with my problems when guys just can't offer me anything useful, though its very sweet of them to try. sometimes i wonder how this petty problem will affect my future, for example, who will attend my bridal shower?
i love my boys but i definitely need to learn how to play nice with girls, as annoying as they could be sometimes.
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